Saturday, November 24, 2012

"Are you happy you're back?"

I must admit, I am really getting tired of this question.  I was asked this question just today when I met up with a family friend.  We have now been back in Nova Scotia for just over 3 months.  I really can't believe how quick the time is flying.  In one month from right now it will be Christmas Eve.  I will not be in Ile a la Crosse with my family there, but for the first time in 5 years I will be with all my family here.  My mother in law has been giddy with excitement about having all 4 of her grandchildren under the same roof on christmas eve, and for the first time in 5 years a web cam will NOT be used to read "T'was the night before Christmas", although I have joked that we should still use the webcam in the same house.  I was told by a good friend of mine in a Facebook comment that I need to let go of my anger about what happened, and that really resonated with me.  In the first 8 weeks we were here, I was miserable inside.  I had to keep a brave face for my kids and my husband, but I was so bitter and broken that it physically hurt.  I stopped eating, I was physically sick every single morning at the thought of facing the day NOT in Saskatchewan.  I felt like someone had died and I didn't know how to deal with it.  That "someone" who died was our life in Saskatchewan.  Within the first few weeks of being back here, we lost 2 great men in our lives very close together.  I watched 2 very strong women and 5 very great cousins say goodbye to the rock that they called their husband and dad, and realized just how foolish and selfish I was being.  I had my health, the health of my children and my husband, and we were still all together.  So I found a way to let go of the anger.  I no longer want to fly to Winnipeg and beat the ever living shit out of people, although there is a large relay that is happening very soon that a large part of those people will be participating in and I would be lying if I said I didn't hope their luggage gets lost, they get traveller's diarrehea and they stumble and fall and break their noses and have to pay foolish amounts of money for medical attention because their insurance was incomplete and.... well ok, so not ALL of the bitterness is gone.  I have been spending large amounts of time with my neices and in laws, and have had some great snuggles and quality time with my nephews.  So yes, NOW I am happy to be back.  I will never be happy about the way it happened, but we're here and we have made the best of it.  Rob is waiting for the final steps to be on the volunteer fire department here in our community, he has a new trade that regardless of what happens in the future NO ONE can take that from him, and I have found a great new "work home" with some amazing women.  And of course, I have been spending more time with my "brother husband" as he is now referred to at work since the day he stopped in "just to say hi".  The rough patch is over, we have climbed this hill and although we may be a little bumped and bruised, we are still together and as strong as ever.  Oh yeah, and did I mention I'm going to the YUKON BABY!!


Allmycke said...

Your feelings during the first monyhs are totally understandable. The way Northern deals with their employees is rather medeival - and I don't think it's only because you have company housing as an employee.

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

Aw! I am so happy to read this. Of course, the last line is the best.


Donna Laprade said...

Belated comment... I'm just rediscovering some past favourite bloggers. "Letting go" is easier said than done. Like any major change in one's life, there is a process that is usually followed, and the stages include anger and grieving. So let it happen and over time (if they haven't already as this post is months old) you'll "let it go" but it has to be on your terms and timeline.
Being a realtor, I see many moves, most happy... some not.. and what you were going through is normal.
I remember reading before your move back to NS, it's odd to tune in again and see that you are back. I hope in the months since you've found some things to love about NS again. Guess I'll have to keep reading to catch up!