Tuesday, November 02, 2010

November 2, 2007......

.... was by far the darkest day in my life. It started the day before when I got a call from my sister saying that my dad was dying in the hospital and we had to get there.. NOW. I'll never forget that call. I was on the phone with her on and off all that morning but that call at lunch time I will never forget. We had been living in Behchoko for 6 months at the time. Through the amazing support of the Northwest Company and a fantastic woman at Royal Bank Visa, we were able to leave pretty much immediately and arrived in Halifax by 7am the next morning. I'm just glad we were all there. It is no surprise to anyone who knows me in real life that I have always been the strong one in my family. Everyone has relied on me for as long as I can remember to be the one who holds it all together. I think that is why my marriage works so well, because with Rob I know I don't always have to be the strong one. Today for the most part has been a day of reflection for me. I'm at the point that the memories I have of my dad are the good ones. Dad and I were always very close, and it's no secret that I miss him like crazy and it super sucks that he's not here. It is not for anyone to understand why, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to answer that. For people who say it gets easier with time, they're liars or they've never lost anyone close to them. It never gets easier, you just learn to continue living without them in your life. I make sure to talk about Dad with the boys all the time, and I have a large family collage in my kitchen that has many pictures of him in it. Joey and I were looking at pictures just last night, and I'm proud to say Joe still knows who he is, even if it is just in pictures. Today sucks, but it's over and tomorrow is another day. Luckily for me the anniversay of Dad's death is overshadowed by the celebration of Colby's birthday, and I'll always make sure that it will stay that way.

5 comments:

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

Well you reduced me to tears.

:)

Jody said...

I have tears in my eyes now, because I know how very close you were to your dad, and how very very much you miss him. Mom's diagnosis this year brought a number of these feelings out in me, and I wonder how I could possibly live without her... I can't even bear to think about it. I hope I don't have to until I'm much older. You are a strong woman, and I do think having your beautiful sons and supportive man is a great help. Lots of love to you.

xxxooo

Mom said...

Yes Tina,your right,you are the strongest and I want to say I'm very proud of you for taking charge that day.You were daddys girl and I want to say I think you are an amazing daughter.I look forward to your phone call every day.I love you.Mom

Scratchings in the Dirt said...

Hugs. That was so well written - thank you!

Mary Lou, Paradise said...

Tina my Dad will be gone 15 years on the 22nd of this month and No it does not get any easier. The anniversary of my Dad's death is an ok day.. but Man I have a hard time on his birthday. Which just passed on the 25th of October. I guess he loved birthday's and all the trimmings. So usually on his birthday I give Mom flowers. this seems to make me feel better as he always taught us to look after Mom.. so that is one of the things I do to cope. Daddy and a little girls love is SO STRONG! and I was my dad's girl... I miss my dad too and truly understand your sadness. Hold strong to his loving memories. Oh one my birthday this happened to me. On my birthday I went to the mall with Mom and just as we left I heard a song on the radio that Dad always sang to Me :Liverpour Lou" I had not heard it in years and actuallly asked the dj NOt to play it at our wedding. What a sign I felt that Dad visited me on my birthday.. Certainly made me think of him... Hugs my friend from me to you! xo