Saturday, October 31, 2009

I love Clare

Normally I wouldn't copy and paste right from another blogger, but this I felt was worthy enough to copy. I'm sure Clare wouldn't mind. This just cracked me up and since I've been so busy lately and not had time to properly post, this will have to hold you over until I can get time to make my own post. So here it is.

Going down in (Olympic) flames

I'm not sure why this story about the Olympic Torch's trip through the north struck me as funny. My first thought when I saw it was "Sure, an open flame on an airplane, but if I try to board one with nail clippers or a bottle of water..." My other thoughts turned to what often happens to my stuff when it travels on a (granted different) northern airline.

So I give you my latest script... Going Down in Flames

INT CARGO OFFICE, NORTHERN CANADA - EVENING A man sits leaning back in a chair his feet up on a desk. Dressed in dark coveralls and a fluorescent green vest, hearing protectors sit on his head. He holds a paddle with a small rubber ball attached by a rubber band, and he is bouncing the ball repeatedly with the paddle.

The phone rings. Looking annoyed he reluctantly sets down the ball and paddle and answers the phone.

CARGO MAN: Nameless Northern Airline, Cargo Office, may I help you.

Screen splits to reveal a man dressed in a suit, standing in front of the unlit spot for the Olympic flame at a crowded Vancouver Olympic Stadium. He's talking on a cell phone to the Cargo Man.

OLYMPIC MAN: Hi, yes its me Mark from Vancouver 2010. I spoke to you before. Have you found the torch yet?

CARGO MAN: All of our cargo gets forwarded on the minute it arrives here at Nameless Northern Airline.

OLYMPIC MAN: Look, we've already been through this. We still haven't got the torch, it's been three weeks and we really really need it now.

CARGO MAN: Can you describe it?

OLYMPIC MAN(Yelling): Its the Olympic Torch!

CARGO MAN: Can (beat) you (beat) describe (beat) it?

OLYMPIC MAN(Sighing): Its about three feet long, a wavy silver torch, there's an Inuksuk and the Olympic Rings printed on the sides. It has orangy yellow flames...

CARGO MAN: Whoa! Flames? That would be dangerous goods. Did you know that nine whole coconuts are considered dangerous goods for shipping on an airplane. (chuckles) Coconuts.

OLYMPIC MAN: We've been through this. We've gotten all the permissions. Where is it?

CARGO MAN: Okay, okay, don't get your pants in a knot. Now when did you ship the coconuts?


Megan said...

Clare is awesome.

Clare said...

Gosh, thanks.

elmo said...

lol... love it and I'm sure we've all seen it. I once got told by the airline to lie to customs and run if I wanted to catch my flight... or I could actually try to collect my bags but if I did that they were going to leave me in Toronto, cancel my ticket, not put me on a new flight in the am, not pay for a hotel - that I would be on my own and tough shit - or lie to customs and risk being arrested. About half of us made it, the other half got nailed by customs.

Cambridge Bay Bound Peoples said...

That is hilarious!