Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Welcome to Blogshare - A post by Anonymous

I was a really naïve kid. Reeeeeeeeeally naïve. Growing up in Smalltown, U.S.A., the world seemed an almost boring place, a place where very few things could possibly happen to you. My mom and I didn’t have The Talk (ahem… you know which Talk I mean) until I was well into middle school. And there were certain… um… aspects of boy-girl “relations” that we didn’t ever discuss. Period. It was the summer prior to my freshman year of college, and I was enjoying the last few days of togetherness with my two all-time best friends. They were the two best-looking guys in my high school, the irony of which never escaped me, their awkward-looking compatriot. We did everything together: hiking, swimming, making rice krispies treats. Having been friends since before puberty, we had (and still have) one of those precious male-female friendships free of any sexual tension whatsoever. The day in question, we set out for the movies. The Blair Witch Project had just come out, and we were excited to see this new-fangled cinematography. Ever-economical, we pooled our resources to purchase an extra-large popcorn and an extra-large soda. We picked a row in the theater, right smack in the middle, and sat down. Matty, who sat in the center, was charged with holding the soda. The popcorn we passed. Mid-movie, I realized that I was thirsty from all the salty popcorn. I looked over at Matty to ascertain the location of the soda… which he had elected to put between his legs. Enter mental dilemma: How To Remove The Soda From My Best Friend’s Crotch. Well, I thought about it. And I thought some more. And I came to the conclusion that there was simply no elegant way to do it. So I did the only logical thing. I leaned over and drank from the straw as the soda sat in his lap. Let me give you a moment to visualize this. Got it? Uh-huh. And people, I took a nice, loooooong drink of that soda. And I casually looked up. To see Matty’s horrified face staring down at me. And Nick’s horrified face staring at both of us. I sat back up, cheeks burning, ignoring the chuckles behind us. We never talked about it again. I don’t generally share this story as The Most Embarrassing Moment Of My Life. Because really, how would you react if someone told you about the time they accidentally went down on their best friend in a movie theater? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I laughed. But how mortifying for you. The other patrons must have thought you were the boldest girl in town.

Sauntering Soul said...

That's hysterical!

Anonymous said...

I love this story!

lizgwiz said...

Oh, I am laughing out loud. Hee!

Megan said...

This one made me laugh out loud. And I'm at work, so I can't tell anyone why I'm laughing.

Sparkling Cipher said...

That is hilarious! I'd have just grabbed it (the cup!) and scared the bejeebus out of him. Of course, no good-looking guy ever wanted to hang out with me, so it doesn't really matter...

Melliferous Pants said...

Perhaps it says something unpleasant about my character but I would tell anyone who would listen that story, if it were mine.

claire said...

HA!! And i'm with melliferous pants. I would probably tell everyone.

Poor guy never saw it coming.

Elise said...

Oh how funny. You were such an innocent! Reminds me of the time my best friend had to explain what "horny" meant. IN THE EIGHTH GRADE.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, Elise's comment reminded me of how I thought...err...BJ...actually involved blowing. Not only did it involve blowing, but ONLY blowing. What a treat it would have been if I had..ahem...performed one of those under that false impression. Would have been a real treat for the person at the receiving end, I'm sure...

nancypearlwannabe said...

Oh my LORD that is hilarious!

Noelle said...

That is wonderfully funny. If it's any consolation, I was well into high school before I found out that a blow job isn't a hairstyle.

OHN said...

You made me laugh right out loud here in my office. I had the perfect visual. I was reeeeaaalllly naive too...honest to gawd I had to ask my HUSBAND how gay men had sex. Wow, that way never occurred to me!