Friday, April 25, 2008

Deer p*rn

As embarrased as I am to admit this, the following is a true story. This is a conversation that Rob and I had last weekend. I'll set the scene:

Picture this, Rob is playing on the computer, Tina is sitting on the couch and the Wild TV (A hunting and fishing network) is on TV. I'm not sure where the kids were, but that's not relavent to this story.

A commercial comes on that I am only half paying attention to, because I am trying to read. Something about it catches my eye and I look up. It's a commercial selling bottles of deer attracting product, and the commerical is set in the woods. You see a plastic doe deer being mounted by a rutting male deer. I hear part of the commerical that says

"The specimen is collected during rutting season for maximum strength"

At this point, I started to laugh. First of all, I'm watching deer p*rn. There's no other way to explain it. It's deer p*rn. I made a comment to Rob, (who again is playing on the computer and not really paying attention)

"Boy, it would suck to be the guy who collects that! What do they use it for?"

Rob looks up at the commerical and then at me and says

"You put it on your boots when you're hunting".

I think at this point I dropped my book and looked right at him. I figured it had to be a joke.

"No, seriously Rob, what would you use that for?"

"Seriously Tina, you put it on your boots to attract the deer."

"Rob, why would you put deer "happy juice" on your boots to attract other deer?"

At this point, Rob realizes what I'm thinking and starts to laugh. Really laugh. The belly laugh that brings tears to your eyes and gives you the hiccups. At this point, I'm still not getting it. (Stop laughing Adam, I can hear you from here and I know you get it by now also). As Rob catches his breath, he explains:

"Honey, the commercial was for doe urine. Hunters put it on their boots and on doe decoys in the woods to attract rutting deers. When the deer mounts the decoy the hunter shoots it. They are not collecting "happy juice".

It was an honest mistake by a non-hunter. The deer is mounting the doe decoy and the commerical talks about it being "collected during rutting season for maximum strength". That will teach me to watch deer p*rn!

6 comments:

jen said...

Pee or "Happy Juice", ewww! I hope it comes in a nice little spray bottle so there is not hand contact yuck! lol I guess you really wouldn't want your hubby walking into the house with his boots on eh.

Trudie said...

How unfair! The poor buck is lured to a plastic doe and then shot!
On the other hand - in southern Sweden they use 'battue' when hunting moose. A line of beaters or drivers walk through a wooded area to scare the moose towards where the 'hunters' (I'm using the term VERY loosely!) are waiting to fell the animals.

Rob, Tina and the boys said...

I agree Trudy. Baiting animals is wrong. But, although I hope this post doesn't turn into a debate on baiting animals, I just wanted to show my innocence when it comes to "deer fluids in a bottle". I have never seen anyone use the doe decoys, which is why I couldn't for the life of me understand why they were collecting his "manly juice". I assumed there was a resevoir somewhere in the decoy to gather his "stuff" and didn't realize it was a hunting prop. :)

Matt, Kara and Hunter said...

holy frig-a-roo that was funny this morning! I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!

And I am an avid hunter, shot many animals, and have never had to use a lure!!

Rob said...

Just so everyone knows. Doe decoys are very Rarely used as they get shot to pieces in the field by hunters who dont know the difference. As for the deer pee. No hand contact is necessary and is typically used as a secondary attractant, not a bait. Used mainly to help cover the HUMAN scent.I have to say, that the two people here in the room were staring at me as I laughed my ass off and had to explain the story to them while peeing myself on their new leather furniture!

Tawny said...

I would have thought the exact same thing!!